3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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