Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
did you just send me my own nude
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
