So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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