WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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