there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize