Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
