I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
