Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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