If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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