My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
