Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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