Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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