do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
