i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
