Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
