so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Alive.
So much puke
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
