Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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