I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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