Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
two words: eviction party
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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