We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
