What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I believe in your delicious
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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