I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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