I've blown a few things in my day
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
