glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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