I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
