watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
