you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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