i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
