You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
