Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
