I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize