Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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