I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
