My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
