Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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