we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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