oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
