After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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