i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
