Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My vagina just recognized that song.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
