I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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