Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
