every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
