The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I understand Curling. That high.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
