Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
