Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize