I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
