I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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