i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
