She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
