respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
