I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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