I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
