So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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