My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
