I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
