i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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