i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
how drunk are you?
Several
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
