I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't think brook has ever known best
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
