Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
