Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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