every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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