Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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