I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was not drunk enough for that final.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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