i just had sex bonerless
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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