Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
