cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
