Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
