remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
