Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
