dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
