i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
