Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
