I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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