i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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