There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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