We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
