My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
