it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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