Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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