You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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