Already got asked if we're dating
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
