About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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