allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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