i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
