Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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