I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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