I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
