There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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